Mar

7

The standard explanatory blog post

I am pretty sure I started this blog about 15 times.  How do I start? What do I say? What is the best way to explain why I am here in the blogging world? I don’t pretend to be some great writer or to have anything that will change anyone’s outlook on life. Suppose it to say, I am here for me.

I have been diagnosed with Clinical Depression and Anxiety. It is a difficult thing to say out loud, or in this case, type, especially since there is such a social stigma regarding it. I have suffered from this disease for almost 7 years now but have only started treating it about 18 months ago.  I have struggled to come to terms with what is truly going on with me and how it has affected myself and all those around me.  It is a daily battle that has ripped me from the person I was and has consumed every facet of my life.

I am choosing to share my life and not be ashamed of something I have no real control over. I am here to track my progress, my struggles, and my failures.  I want to be honest about how it all came to be and not hold anything back. That means there are going to be posts that will hurt, posts that may bring harsh judgements by others and posts that could hurt my family. For those reasons, while I am striving to not be ashamed of my disorder, I have chosen to use a pseudonym to protect my family and myself.

So onto the introductions. My name is Ava. I am a wife of almost 9 years and a mother to 3 beautiful children. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a stay at home mother and homeschooler. I love the arts, especially performance arts and live in Arizona. My husband,  Ryan, and my children, Blake (6), Liam (4), Keira (1) are the people I can’t imagine my life without. However, they are the ones who are hurt the most by my not so personal battle, they are the ones I fear will not make it through this journey without being unscathed. I will be mentioning other parts of my family, as they have had a big influence on who I have become. I will not mention their names yet, mostly because coming up with other names for those you already know is a lot more difficult than I thought it would be.

It is time to come clean, to be set free, to use my voice, no matter how small it may feel.  May I be able to come out on top in this fight for my family and for me.