Defining Depression. There is no real definition that fits everyone. I hope to share ways to illustrate depression through my own words and through other voices on the world wide web.
I have often found it difficult to describe my depression in any meaningful or relatable way. As my husband, who is quite a logical person, has tried to understand depression and the feelings I have, it has been quite clear that it is impossible for me to fully express. I began looking online for accurate descriptions that he could understand. Ones that Ryan could connect to. As I presented my findings I realized how over the top and melodramatic they all sounded.
For someone like Ryan, and even as I read them out loud I could see how some could find all of this made up and a way to get attention. The range of emotions in these “definitions” are far reaching and often feel exaggerated. In some instances I found myself skeptic of the writer, wondering if they were playing a victim, I was falling right into the stigma society had created. When I silenced that voice and tried to break the habit of societal judgment that we are all susceptible to, I could then look past the ones that didn’t relate to me and find what did speak to me.
Truth be told, my life is a Melodrama. Everything feels far fetched and extreme. The slightest comments, thoughts, and actions appeal to my emotions. And those emotions take control of everything until there is nothing left to give. Until there are no more tears to cry and the curtain goes down and the lights go out and everything is dark and quiet. You can no longer feel anything because it was all put out on that stage. Exhaustion takes over until the next day and then you are back on stage. Places, Curtain, Lights, and begin scene! The show begins again. More unexplained emotions, more unexpected plot twists and ostentatious events. Exaggerated reactions that cannot be stopped. and the pressure of performing for all to see. Being critiqued and judged followed by humiliation and self-condemnation.
As we know, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts…” -William Shakespeare The role I have been playing is getting tiresome. I am ready for a new play, a new part, looking forward to that final curtain call.