Mar

27

Defining Depression: Sleep

Scientifically:

“The relationship between sleep and depressive illness is complex – depression may cause sleep problems and sleep problems may cause or contribute to depressive disorders.[…] Sleep problems are also associated with more severe depressive illness.

Insomnia is very common among depressed patients.[…] Depressed individuals may suffer from a range of insomnia symptoms, including difficulty falling asleep (sleep onset insomnia), difficulty staying asleep (sleep maintenance insomnia), unrefreshing sleep, and daytime sleepiness. ” –National Sleep Foundation

 

Emotionally:

At Night-

No-sleep-time-for-depression

During the day-

Its-the-best-part-of-my-day (1)

Oct

3

Jul

30

Defining Depression: Depression lies

There is a  thread on Reddit on how “Depression Makes me Second Guess my Depression”.

In your head you can hear yourself say, ” Maybe I really am just lazy and bad at everything I do. Maybe I am just using depression as an excuse.”  You can hear time and time again from counselors and people that Depression alters your perception of reality, that depression lies, and yet it is impossible to dismiss that nagging feeling that you are a fraud! A fake, a lazy liar full of excuses!

This is a major factor to why so many go untreated for depression.  We trust that voice, our mental illness, we believe it because we believe it is us!! It feels impossible to separate the depression and anxiety from ourselves.  You lose sight of who you even were in the beginning, maybe that person was just a facade and I truly am this awful, worthless person.  I was just trying to be something I am not…

How do you escape these feelings, these constant and overpowering thoughts?  Your depression tells you that you can’t,  but then again, Depression lies…

Jun

21

Mar

28

Defining Depression: Depression is humiliating and degrading

“Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed.

You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation.

If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life. It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all.

If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too. No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself.

Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged.”

 

–A quote I found several times on Reddit.  Not sure who originally posted it but it’s word ring truth–

Mar

23

Defining Depression: What depression isn’t.

“Depression isn’t an emotion. Depression has no cause. Too often is depression conflated with sadness or anxiety…

Depression, when it is present, is more like the force of gravity. It is there, pulling down on you under all circumstances. Though I’m depressed I am often very happy- but still there is the unfeeling wet blanket of muddled confusion and writhing frustration seething under it all. Waiting.

A creeping numbness that insidiously degrades and diminishes every aspect of conscious life. A storm of screaming and hatred in dreams. A dull apathy in waking. A sinking stomach in the face of joy and a faithless lassitude in the face of hope.

Depression isn’t an emotion. Depression is a contradiction to every worthy aspect of life.”

 

— I found this accurate description on reddit. submitted by –grottohopper

Mar

19

Defining Depression: The Melodrama

Defining Depression. There is no real definition that fits everyone. I hope to share ways to illustrate depression through my own words and through other voices on the world wide web.

melodrama floor movie still

I have often found it difficult to describe my depression in any meaningful or relatable way.  As my husband, who is quite a logical person, has tried to understand depression and the feelings I have, it has been quite clear that it is impossible for me to fully express.   I began looking online for accurate descriptions that he could understand.  Ones that Ryan could connect to.  As I presented my findings I realized how over the top and melodramatic they all sounded.

For someone like Ryan, and even as I read them out loud I could see how some could find all of this made up and a way to get attention. The range of emotions in these “definitions” are far reaching and often feel exaggerated. In some instances I found myself skeptic of the writer, wondering if they were playing a victim, I was falling right into the stigma society had created. When I silenced that voice and tried to break the habit of societal judgment that we are all susceptible to, I could then look past the ones that didn’t relate to me and find what did speak to me.

melodrama movie still

Truth be told, my life is a Melodrama.  Everything feels far fetched and extreme.  The slightest comments, thoughts, and actions appeal to my emotions.  And those emotions take control of everything until there is nothing left to give. Until there are no more tears to cry and the curtain goes down and the lights go out and everything is dark and quiet. You can no longer feel anything because it was all put out on that stage.  Exhaustion takes over until the next day and then you are back on stage.  Places, Curtain, Lights, and begin scene! The show begins again.  More unexplained emotions, more unexpected plot twists and ostentatious events.  Exaggerated reactions that cannot be stopped. and the pressure of performing for all to see.  Being critiqued and judged followed by humiliation and self-condemnation.

melodrama fear

As we know, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts…” -William Shakespeare     The role I have been playing is getting tiresome. I am ready for a new play, a new part,  looking forward to that final curtain call.