calming down

I’m beyond upset right now. I want to express those feelings. While the tears come freely, the words refuse to free themselves from the prison that is my mind.

My husband and I share many similar opinions and ideas. However, there is something he holds in high regard that I have a completely different viewpoint. This one topic has lead to many, MANY, M_A_N_Y arguments. This topic only really gets brought up when he is wasted. Like, pissed drunk, which adds to the frustration of talking about this topic. I am always sober for these arguments and they hurt me much more deeply than what he experiences and remembers the next day.

We just had a doozy of an argument and for the first time in our almost 12 year marriage, I have told him not to come to bed. And instead of the post, I sat down to write over an hour ago, right when he decided to “talk” to me drunk, I am now writing this pathetic post, just to calm my nerves enough to get to sleep. It is 3 in the morning. The last two nights I have only gotten 3-4 hours of sleep and no naps in between.

The worse part about all of this is I had a really great day, and so did he. And it feels all ruined and spoiled because of this crap! I hate it! I hate feeling this way! And I can’t stop crying enough to just fall asleep…

I guess there really isn’t much more to say. Sometimes marriage/significant others suck!

This is the best post I have ever written, I know…

 

**update 3/6/2017: I couldn’t get up yesterday. I didn’t want to get up.  Part of it was that I was exhausted and the other part was not wanting to see or talk to my husband. I was in and out of sleep until 4 pm.  I then had to return something we had borrowed from a friend and didn’t get home until 6:30. I cleaned while Ryan made dinner and he and I didn’t actually speak really about the incident until midnight.  He had apologized multiple times and I was having a really hard time accepting it.  I wanted to, it was just that I felt so hurt and he couldn’t even remember what he did.  He promised that he would not get that drunk again. I want to believe him, but I am a little skeptical.**

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